Singer(s): Male + male harmony

Ready for Mix

@2019 – in a writing mood, the phrase “How’s El Paso you asshole” came to mind as I was playing around with chords. I thought it would make a fun, cutting, uptempo song about a guy calling up his best friend who took off with his wife and vintage sports car. (He misses the car the most!)

[Talking section – Intro]
(Messenger ringing tone, receiver picks up)
Voice on phone: “Hey buddy”
Singer: “Don’t hey me…buddy! I just wanted to tell you what you did was pretty damn @$%#. In fact I wrote a song about it. Here it is, you mangy dog you.”

[Chorus]
How’s El Paso, you $#@%
How’s your libido in your speedo
“Hope your happy” is something I won’t say

Guess you gave in to your itch
Hope it leads you to a swamp ditch
Since you took my sweet thing away

They say all’s fair in love and war
Well I couldn’t give a sh*t any more
I hope these eyes never see you again

And when you walk across a street
Make sure it’s a place we’ll never meet
I can’t believe how you kicked this old can

Chorus

If I hear sumpin about wedding bells
The first thing I’ll say is “what’s that smell?”
Yeah, don’t expect me to forgive you being cruel

I’ll unfriend you forever and then you’ll see
Your memories will never stay a part of me
I’m so done feeling like a fool

Chorus